Submitted by:
Kate Fogarty, Ph.D., Youth Development
Where do teens get their information about sex?
In a small but crowded room of 4-H seniors (aged 14-18) from across Florida, an uncomfortable question was asked: “How many of you discuss sex ‘openly’ with your parents?” Two of thirty youth in the room raised their hands; one was male and the other female. Once the workshop was over, these two who were among the last to leave, expressed surprise about standing out from the rest of the group.
Granted the 6.7% statistic that I witnessed that day does not come from a “representative sample.” Adolescents’ concerns with how they look in front of their peers and the many meanings teens have for ‘open’ communication about sex with parents (Kirkman, Rosenthal, & Feldman, 2005), contributed to the low show of hands. In actuality, half (50%) of American teens have conversations with their parents about contraception, sexual behavior, and negative effects of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases/infections (Jaccard, Dodge, & Dittus, 2002).
The other half gives us cause for concern. If they are not talking with their parents, then where do these teens get their information about sex? Sex education should not be a burden placed solely on schools, other community resources, and the media (Ward & Friedman, 2006). In school, for example, middle schoolers (6th to 8th graders) still wanted to learn more factual information – as well as practical advice on how to apply the information they’ve learned – in their sex education classes (Byers, Sears, Voyer, Thurlow, Cohen, & Weaver, 2003). In addition, the majority of parents (95% in a study of 4,000 parents of school-aged youth) agree that sex education is a joint responsibility of school and the home (Weaver, Byers, Sears, Cohen, & Randall, 2002). Last, there are numerous advantages to parents and teens discussing sex in the home and family setting, including (Berk, 2006):
- Parents can communicate their own values on sexuality.
- Parents’ better understand their teens’ background and life circumstances.
- Parents can tailor the information shared based on their understanding of their teenager’s personality, knowledge level, and developmental level.
Barriers to Parent/Adult-Teen Communication About Sex
Possible reasons that teens and parents don’t discuss sex include embarrassment (Rosenthal & Feldman, 2002), or parents’ assuming teens know more than they do (the teens themselves and/or parents!) (Jaccard, Dittus, & Gordon, 2000). Although teens tend to feel confident in what they know about sex, when tested, their actual knowledge falls short (Radecki & Jaccard, 1995). Adolescents seek to be treated as adults but may feel ‘talked down to’ when talking with parents or other adults about sex. Teens’ complaints about discussing sex with parents or adults include viewing them as close-minded, uncompassionate, or lacking understanding of the complexities in their adolescent lives (Berk, 2006).
Mothers are the primary initiators of discussions on sex with their teens. Mothers tended to be in charge of these conversations – especially when they are communicating with their sons. The most interactive conversations, however, take place between mothers and daughters (Raffaeli, Bogenschneider, & Flood, 1998). An adolescent is likely to ‘disconnect’ from a discussion when a parent or adult dominates the conversation. Teens who feel overpowered tend to withdraw from discussions with their parents about sex, which, in turn, limits the amount of parent-teen conversations about sex and teens’ knowledge of sexual health issues (Lefkowitz, Sigman, & Au, 2000).
The Solution
Based on the shortcomings of teens’ sexual health education by adults, it is important to encourage positive communication between teens and adults in this area. Effective sexual health parent education programs promote the following communication styles between parents and teens (Lefkowitz et al., 2000):
- Having two-way conversations.
- Use of open-ended questions.
- Thorough discussions of dating and sexuality.
- Empathy and reduced judgment.
In return, teens of parents trained in communication skills about sexual health are likely to feel (Lefkowitz et al., 2000):
- More comfortable discussing sensitive sexual matters.
- More likely to seek out birth control.
In addition, parent-school partnerships in sexual health education (for example assigning ‘homework’ activities for youth to discuss sexuality issues with parents) are an effective means of preventing sexual risk behaviors and opening the lines of communication (Blake, Simkin, Ledsky, Perkins & Calabrese, 2001).
School-based sex education involving communication exercises with parents contributed to the following:
- Reducing early teens’ intentions to have sex before completing high school.
- Increasing teens’ self-efficacy in refusing high-risk sexual behaviors.
- Decreasing discomfort in parent-child communication about sex.
Advice for Parents and Sexual Health Educators
Ultimately, educating teens about sexuality needs to be a balance between what teens want to learn about and what we as adults feel they need to know to develop into healthy adults.
Ways in which adults and parents can effectively communicate with adolescents about sex include (Berk, 2006; Ponton, 2000):
- Encouraging open communication (e.g., speaking directly to teen).
- Using accurate yet simple names for body parts, sexual behaviors, and feelings.
- Keeping in mind that sexuality is a complex topic and teens are struggling to understand their sexual identities.
- Effective use of conversational skills (Open-ended questions, being nonjudgmental, respectfully disagreeing, use of suggestion rather than directives).
- Reflective listening and speaking (use of I messages, active listening, turn taking).
- Keeping the dialogue open and ongoing – not restricted to a single “sex talk.”
- Gently communicating morals and values and using examples.
- Encouraging teens to talk with adults they trust about sexuality.
- Watching for danger signs such as sexual and other risk behaviors (unprotected sex, potentially harmful sexual relationships, depression, anxiety, self-mutilation behaviors)
- Keeping in mind that sexuality is a confusing topic and teens are struggling to understand their sexual identities. Therefore, try to avoid stereotyping by gender, (For example; using double standards such as having stricter rules for females than males because ‘girls can get pregnant’) or by sexual orientation, which can be potentially damaging to teens’ developing identities.
In conclusion, it is important to keep in mind the long-term goal or impact of effective communication about sexuality with today’s youth: ensuring positive youth development by promoting their physical, social, and emotional health.
References:
Berk, L.E. (2006). Child Development (2nd Edition). Boston: Allyn & Bacon.
Blake, S.M., Simkin, L., Ledsky, R., Perkins, C., & Calabrese, J.M. (2001). Effects of a parent-child communications intervention on young adolescents’ risk for early onset of sexual intercourse. Family Planning Perspectives, 33, 52-61.x
Byers, E.S., Sears, H.A., Voyer, S.D., Thurlow, J.L., Cohen, J.N., & Weaver, A.D. (2003). An adolescent perspective on sexual health education at school and at home: II. Middle school students. Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 12, 19-34.
Jaccard, J., Dodge, T., & Dittus, P. (2002). Parent-adolescent communication about sex and birth control: A conceptual framework. In S.S. Feldman & D.A. Rosenthal (Eds.), Talking Sexuality: Parent-adolescent communication (pp. 9-41). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Jaccard, J., Dittus, P., & Gordon, V.V. (2000). Parent-adolescent congruency in reports of adolescent sexual behavior and in communications about sexual behavior. Child Development, 69, 247-261.
Kirkman, M., Rosenthal, D., & Feldman, S.S. (2005). Being open with your mouth shut: The meaning of ‘openness’ in family communication about sexuality. Sex Education, 5, 49-66.
Lefkowitz, E.S., Sigman, M., & Au, T.K. (2000). Helping mothers discuss sexuality and AIDS with adolescents. Child Development, 71, 1383-1394.
Ponton, L.E. (2000). Teenagers and sexuality at camp: Understanding teen sexuality and tips for talking with them. Camping Magazine, September/October, 20-24.
Radecki, C.M., & Jaccard, J. (1995). Perceptions of knowledge, actual knowledge, and information search behavior. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 31, 107-138.
Raffaeli, M., Bogenschneider, K., & Flood, M.F. (1998). Parent-teen communication about sexual topics. Journal of Family Issues, 19, 315-333.
Ward, L.M., & Friedman, K. (2006). Using TV as a guide: Associations between television viewing and adolescents’ sexual attitudes and behavior. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 16, 105-131.
Weaver, A.D., Byers, E.S., Sears, H.A., Cohen, J.N., & Randall, H.E.S. (2002). Sexual health education at school and at home: Attitudes and experiences of New Brunswick parents. The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 11, 19-30.
Labels: Fogarty, RNYCU