Are you a helicopter parent? This term refers to parents who hover over their child, fighting off threats to their child’s success and happiness. Of course we all want the best for our children, but helicopter parents keep children from succeeding—or failing—on their own. For instance, they take over a younger child’s school projects, Parents of college students register them for their courses, question professors’ grades, and even intervene in roommate disputes. Sociologists and psychologists point out that Baby Boomers are the first generation to focus so much attention on parenting and raising well adjusted and fulfilled children. In the process, Boomers often haven’t pushed their children to be independent.

Eventually this can hurt the child. They don’t learn how to solve their own problems, or how to take responsibility for themselves. In addition, parents’ mental health may suffer because they “base their own self-worth on their child’s success” and “feel like a failure when [their] child fails” (College Board). Psychologists have found that parents who “judge their own self worth by their children’s accomplishments report sadness,” [and anxiety], think about themselves in negative ways, and are less content with life in general (College Board, 2006; Penn State 2006).

Hovering is not all bad, all the time. Some children, who are shy or have mild learning difficulties, may need a parent to be involved. Parents and children like to be close. Children experiencing serious problems and trauma need a parent to step in. The key is to encourage your child to develop the independence they will need as an adult and to be there when they need you.

Listening, learning and living together, it’s the science of life. “Family Album” is a co-production of University of Florida, IFAS Extension, the Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences and of WUFT-FM. If you’d like to learn more, please visit our website at familyalbumradio.org.

Written by: Suzanna Smith, Associate Professor, Human Development

Listen to the Family Album Radio Podcast: Helicopter Parents

References

College Board (2006). Are you a helicopter parent? Retrieved August 9, 2005 from http://www.collegeboard.com/parents/plan/getting-ready/50129.html?print=true.

Paul, P. (2003). The permaparent. Psychology Today, Sept/Oct, 40-53.

Penn State (2006, June 30). Eaton studies issues surrounding parent-child interactions. Penn State Live (online news report). Retrieved August 9, 2006 from http://live.psu.edu/story/18457.

Shellenberger, S. (2005). "Helcopter parents"--The emotional toll of being too involved in your kid's life. Wall Street Journal, April 14, D1 [online version].

Young, J. (2003, August 15). A new take on what today's students want from college. Chronicle of Higher Education, 42(21), A37 [online version].